Switching Gears. My Personal 365 Day Challenge.

Writing is therapeutic, it allows for accountability, it puts dreamy thoughts into a form that is tangible and recorded.
   As you may or may not know; the past seven months have been challenging for me in a variety of ways.  The over-riding challenge has been the fact that I'm in the dying embers of the divorce process with a women I am parenting three daughters with.  This idea is accompanied by every possible emotion, mostly of the blues hue.  There are moments of clarity and joy, but somehow grief always returns.  Though its power is diminishing, the song of sorrow is always playing in a small room somewhere in my mind.  It represents a lost dream, a lost vision, a failure, and/or the inability to foresee personal short-comings, preventing compassion and joy from being the main theme of the failed relationship.

   This dissolving of a partnership is compounded by the relenting of ownership of my house the the bank, and the loss of my job.  All of these things are happening right now.  My primary bank-account is negative five hundred something dollars last I checked a week ago.  My secondary account is negative two hundred last I checked.  I receive three hundred seventy or so from unemployment every week.  This is enough to buy food for my girls and I and support the ex.

I watch the girls every weekend.  Now I'm sitting here typing.  The older girls are at a friends house and the little one fell asleep for a nap.  It's not as if I'm always lazy, though particularly so today.  Spring is right around the corner, but it's too cold to fully relax with the breeze.
   This house is an anchor to a lost battle, it's a ghost town of lingering family unity.  Sounds depressing, I promise, I'm not always this glum.  In fact;
   The reason I'm writing this particular post is to flip the script.  I have approximatly a year before the bank actually takes the keys to my house.  There is a lot I want to accomplish before them.  The only task that really relates to the building that is currently my home, is to get all my stuff out in a strategic fashion.
  The remaining items are all about lifestyle design.  Yeah it's a buzz-word, but it's exactly what I need to do.  I need to figure out exactly what will provide me with some joy and money and get to it.
That's why I'm calling it My 365 Day Personal Challenge.

The effects of divorce on a man. The first three months

I can tell from experience that divorce has been the most terrifying, gut-wretching, yet amazing and liberating experience of my entire life.

Here is something I could speak to at great lengths, Mostly because I'm going through it right now. Obviously it consumes my thoughts many days, but I will tell you this;  IT GETS BETTER.

I imagine my experience to be similar to many men in the sense that.  WE NEVER SAW IT COMING.,
but actually, yes we did.  
Men will often ignore the needs of others because their sense of duty as been ingrained in them for so long.  I had the very real feeling that my wife and I would be married for ever and that I just needed to work hard and suffer through this part to get to the other side.   HA!
My wife tried to tell me that things weren't working for her, that she wasn't happy.  "just stick with the plan." I'd say.
Till one day she started seriously questioning my bravery, my worth, and my trust-ability.  Then one evening,  she turned to me and said, "I think we should separate"

I can't possibly explain all of the swirling emotions that I've gone through in the past three months.
Though The 5 Phases of Grief unfolded.

1. Denial and isolation
2.Anger
3.Bargaining
4.Depression
5.Acceptance.

   Of course when you're in the storm, nothing makes sense, there are moments of clarity though.  Somehow, I began to self-regulate.  I began to anticipate my low moments and accept them.
First it was every Monday and Tuesday when we would come back home after a weekend apart.  Due to routine, I would subconsciously assume or hope that everything was back to normal.  When I found out it wasn't, I would suffer and express myself in any numerous ways.
   Once I realized that Mondays weren't going to be like they have been for the past nine years,  my ups and downs took a different random sort of pattern.  I found comfort in knowing that I would have FIVE days of positive, forward motion resembling positive change.

Inner world travel 002 Time to meet your Spirit animal

Now that you have established your peaceful grove, clearing, area. What did we decide to call that? I always called it my garden even though there isn't usually a garden.  Things are growing though.
How about home grove?    sure.

found here (gotta add some picts to keep you interested.) :)

-So your home grove inhabites the middle world.  The middle world is vast.  From this level you can access the lower world and the upperworld.    Within this middle level there are portals that are all over.  Some come and go and others can be permenent.  Each of these levels have there purpose.  And they have portals too.  There is no end this space.

--So you want to meet your spirit animal?  Or one of them.  
Let's go.
Relax, build up some Chi or whatever you call it.  Enter your cave and notice the cave wall.  It is an indication of a variety of things.  perhaps.
Go in to your grove, look around

my latest shamanic journey

. It just struck me that I can post about my shamanic journeys here. I think I might post them all eventually and I'm not sure there will be any particular order to them. . I'm just going to dive in on the latest and we'll slow down and rewind later. . Just to note all of my visions are created without the use of drugs. All it takes is a lucid imagination and some practice. -On my way home from work a moth appeared. It fluttered about for a bit then chose to rest on a miniature, wooden, hand-carved, Rasta head that swings peacefully from my rear-view mirror.

Nas and Damian Patience

Patience Nas & Damian Marley

Winter wrap dye.

My wife amazes me. She will bang out a dye job on an expensive wrap. She loves it.

Skrillex

Look what I just found on SoundCloud: http://soundcloud.com/skrillex/skrillex-skrillex-summit-feat


Shared from the SoundCloud iOS app. Get it for free here: http://itunes.apple.com/de/app/soundcloud/id336353151?mt=8

XXYYXX - About You [directed by VASH] HD

Open your mind

Ellie Goulding - Lights (Bassnectar Remix) (video edit)

Adele - Hometown Glory (High Contrast Remix)

this song is fuckin sex machine.

Stephen Marley feat. Damian Marley & Buju Banton - Jah Army (DJ Res-Q Vi...

Family that wraps together

Balance beam in the yard

The McMash Clan feat. Kate Mullins - Swing Break

Nas & Damian Marley - Patience + lycris

Skrillex & Damian "Jr. Gong" Marley - Make It Bun Dem [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

Inner world travel 001

I'm going to try to post many of the experiences I've had as well as tips and advice for navigating the friendly universe of the innerworld.
 These posts will be in no particular order.    That's the way it goes. ;) 

INTRO STUFF

 Background- Shamans have used rituals and substances for thousands of years to induce states of mind condusive to innerworld travel. It has been my experience that mind-altering substances can have an effect on the experience though they are absolulely not neccessary. All it takes is a relaxed body and a good imagination.
Shamans have used the inner world to seek answers to questions, meet allies, conquour dark forces, and retrieve power items. In my experiences all of these things have happened, but it is better perhaps not to expect anything in particular. I have been navigating the inner world for about 15 years. Always using the same portal which leads to a peacefull grove type area with a stream.

 Let's go The first experience I had was with a shaman. We beat the drums for awhile to entice the spirits and to get us into the right state of mind. He lit some sage and scrubbed us of negative energies and we allowed in the good. We acknoledged all of the directions and some of the animal spirits associated with them. We then layed down and began our first journey. We had been given instructions before hand on how to meet our sprit animal.    This,  I will go to into detail in the next post. We explored our new territory in our minds.  After 10 minutes or so he shook his rattle gently indicating that we find our way back to our cave and come back to conciencness.

Ritual  Any amount of elaborate ritual can enhance the experience, but you can easially take a stroll through your new territory right now.    You can do it while your walking across the street or sitting in your easy chair. 

All right,  we need to get into this.  :)

---First time.  Relax.  Relax.  Relax.  Lay down in a comfortable position.  Breathe in, build up your energy, breathe out.  relax relax,..    Visualize a cave entrace.  Walk into it.  It should be pleasant and familiar.  An ice cave, or a crystal lined cave, or granite.  Whatever you want, you can always change it.  Walk through the short cave tunnel and emerge into a pleasant daytime area.  There will probably be some trees, some grass,  and nearby there should be a river or gently flowing stream. 
  Look around, look at your hands, turn them over, feel your body,  look around, feel the wind in your hair.  Your immediate surroundings should be clear.  Are there any birds flying around?
-Go walk down by your stream and dip a tow in the water if you want. 
The more vivid the experience the better.  This is your middle world and your home area. 

If you leave and come back later, it will still be there.  The more you go, the more familiar it becomes.
--Changes you make in the inner world effect the outer world.
One of the first things I ever did there was make a little hut with some braches on the slope next to the river.  I dug out a flat spot and made a cozy little place to relax.
These types of things are just for fun, but can you see how they might strenghen your connnection to your new landscape?

After you have been there for awhile, you can leave through your cave.
you should try to use this always as your entrance and exit.  It helps create a good strong passageway for you.   If you don't use is once in awhile no big deal.

One thing I need to point out right away.
If by chance something comes along and wants to attack you.  (Rare, but it can happen)
The example I like to use which I borrow from a book I once read. (can't remember title,, "Urban Shaman" perhaps,  good read regardless.

If say, a tiger comes along and wants to eat you, let him eat you and come out the other end.  :) 
Nothing can harm you in the inner world, it is your dream.  :)

Terrence Mckenna. Terra Lucida

I think I got goose bumps a bit when I first saw this. It's all true. Though it doesn't have to be something mysterius or drug induced. Follow my instructions of research shamanism or innerworld travel type stuff. Seek and ye shall find.