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I want to use this space to share all the great things I discover about life through the Gaze of Bicyclist, Parent, Spiritual advisor.. ect. ;)

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

The effects of divorce on a man. The first three months

I can tell from experience that divorce has been the most terrifying, gut-wretching, yet amazing and liberating experience of my entire life.
Here is something I could speak to at great lengths, Mostly because I'm going through it right now. Obviously it consumes my thoughts many days, but I will tell you this;  IT GETS BETTER.

I imagine my experience to be similar to many men in the sense that.  WE NEVER SAW IT COMING.,
but actually, yes we did.  
Men will often ignore the needs of others because their sense of duty as been ingrained in them for so long.  I had the very real feeling that my wife and I would be married for ever and that I just needed to work hard and suffer through this part to get to the other side.   HA!
My wife tried to tell me that things weren't working for her, that she wasn't happy.  "just stick with the plan." I'd say.
Till one day she started seriously questioning my bravery, my worth, and my trust-ability.  Then one evening,  she turned to me and said, "I think we should separate"

I can't possibly explain all of the swirling emotions that I've gone through in the past three months.
Though The 5 Phases of Grief unfolded.

1. Denial and isolation

   Of course when you're in the storm, nothing makes sense, there are moments of clarity though.  Somehow, I began to self-regulate.  I began to anticipate my low moments and accept them.
First it was every Monday and Tuesday when we would come back home after a weekend apart.  Due to routine, I would subconsciously assume or hope that everything was back to normal.  When I found out it wasn't, I would suffer and express myself in any numerous ways.
   Once I realized that Mondays weren't going to be like they have been for the past nine years,  my ups and downs took a different random sort of pattern.  I found comfort in knowing that I would have FIVE days of positive, forward motion resembling positive change.

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